I am a wanna be.

Allow me to explain. Sometimes you have this view of yourself that you hold in high regard. Some trait that you've always been proud of, something you thought that no matter what, you were an expert. Then something happens. It's similar to a landslide. It's when your world comes crashing down because that view of yourself was so convoluted. It becomes evident that everyone else views you different. So...

You resign to change. But change takes action. But sometimes you don't know where to start, except back at the beginning.

And I'm not who I used to be, or even what I thought I was.

I am now a wannabe.

And I wanna be a better friend.

I just finished watching the Special Features on my 'Girlfriends: Season 2' DVD. As I was listening to Mara Brock Akil discuss what makes her show work with its audience, I realized why there aren't and probably never will be a successful television series about male relationships. The reason is:


Now, this may not come as quite of a surprise, but it is true. The male psyche is too afraid to relate to another male on an emotional level, because society has taught us that doing so makes us "feminine". This is what I hate most about men, who, you will learn, I have a love/hate for. Though I love women, I do so in a way that is not just an appreciation of their physical traits. Women are honest.

When I was in my second or third year of college, I was taking another class by my favorite college professor ever, Ginny Grimsley. I think it was a poetry workshop or a Women in Lit class. Anyway, I remember her making a comment to to me after handing in an assignment. She said that I was feminine. And that that was rare. I remember looking around the class, slightly embarrassed that she would make a comment like that in front of the whole class without explaining her context. Cause while I understood her context completely, my masculinity was too afraid the rest of the class wouldn't. Who knows if they did or not. However, once I came to realize what she meant, as the years rolled on, I got a real understanding of what she meant. The qualities in me aren't necessarily exclusive to women, but it's just that I was honest enough with myself to recognize it and embrace this quality in myself. Ginny had unknowingly (or knowingly) given me an amazing compliment. I wish I could marry Ginny. Because, she got me. And I was loving that someone had finally acknowledged the real me.

But, getting back to my point, that is why I believe there will never be a successful male version of, say "Girlfriends" or "Sex and the City". Men have too much ego, too much pride, too many hang ups to really be free. Men are afraid to be "women"; not women literally, but some of the traits that our society associate with women. And men will never watch a show about men relating to each other in the way that women do with each other.

But, I could always be wrong....

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