I believe in God. Even during my phase as an early adult when I thought
the truly smart thing to do was to act as if He didn't exist, I
discovered I couldn't act Him away. Like Celie says in Alice Walker's
The Color Purple, "...trying to do without Him sure is hard..." Many
people who've come across me at some point or another at times in my
life have expressed to me that they didn't think I believed in God.
That my outlook on religion couldn't possibly leave room for belief...in
Him. But it isn't true. But I usually leave people to suspect
wrongly. To judge wrongly. In my opinion, it's no one's business.
Now, I'm a big talker. I love to share. But, my spiritual relationship
has always been to personal to wear on my sleeve. I think it's mostly
because I feel most wouldn't understand it. And it's not for anyone to
understand but me. It's something I keep closely guarded. He knows me
better than anyone. And I talk to him daily. Usually in short
thoughts. When I notice a beautiful sunrise. A yellow flower in a
field full of green. A cool, heavenly breeze on a lazy evening. More
often than not, I get offended when I hear people share so much of their
relationship with God with the world...it's as if they're bragging.
Like they need to convince themselves of something. As if they want to
be supported...as if they need the support, the job well done. I don't
know about most, but my relationship is too personal to share, which I
very rarely uncover (like right now). I used to think that God wasn't
real because he doesn't speak to me. Not the way I hear he does to
others. Until I learned that he speaks through me. But I wrote this
blog tonight because I wanted to ask a question. I think, if I could
have a conversation with God, and He talk back, I would ask: "Is there
ever a reward for all the pain?"


lc thanks for reading my blog!

And yes there is a reward for putting up with all the pain in life. It's in Heaven. But you will be rewarded on Earth too.

God doesn't let anything happen to you that you can't overcome and learn from. You are just in training here to be an angel. How can you train to help other souls if you have not experienced pain, heartbreak, anger, jealousy, resentment...

You have to experience life to learn and overcome. And believe me everything happens for a reason. You are in God's hands. Believe that.

And I agree with you about folks that have to constantly profess their religion. I always wonder about folks like that (smile).

Take care and keep writing!

Oh there's a reward. It may not be an earthly reward, but more of a heavenly and eternal one. I'd rather be rewarded in heaven than to have something that will pass away.

I've Talked to god, but haven't heard much back. I have heard exactly one word from him and it was my name and it was so reassuring. I never thought God wasn't real because my personal faith does not allow me to have doubt in that magnitude. I just wait patiently and work on me...

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