So, my homeboy since high school caught his flight back to Florida yesterday and all I can say is.....Thank God!!! He visited me here in L.A. for a week and I am so glad to finally be alone again. Not that my friend is particularly irritating or anything, I just, for some reason, really value my space. Throughout the week, I kept wondering if I'm even the type to move in with a significant other. This past week, I really pondered that question and what it meant to my life. I don't know why, but I don't like sharing my space.

So, I got a call yesterday from my Dad. He and I have been on the rocks for the past two years, the time after he suffered a brain aneurysm and was hospitalized for months. My dad holds a lot of blame against me, for reasons I have failed to make him understand. I have tried to be sensitive to the fact that he may not be "all there" anymore due to the accident, but he has at times been extremely disrespectful to me. So, I did exactly what me and my brothers are used to doing with my father: stop talking to him. I don't know, he seems to like it...

Well, I invited myself to Vegas this week to spend the first Thanksgiving in almost a decade with my father and older brother. However, the next day, my father calls and explains to me, in so many words, that I am not welcome to Vegas for Thanksgiving if I do not apologize for being "rude" and "disrespectful" in past phone conversations. I wanted to tell him exactly what he can suck when he gave me this ultimatum of sorts. However, I didn't.

What I wanted to tell my Dad the most was that I don't need him. That I haven't needed him for the past 8 years of my life, the span of my entire adult life, where he has insisted on having a volatile relationship with myself and my brothers stemming from his gripping fear of losing control of what he has always deemed as his possessions: his children. At every turn, when we did not do as he "advised" he wrote us off even more. To him, we were "stupid", "dumb", and "disappointing". To him there was no "let them find their own way", it was "why the hell aren't they doing it MY way...?". So, I've gotten used to not having him around, to not talking to him, to not respecting him.

However, I have recently concluded that I do not want my father to die bitter and lonely. His health is already fading fast and with all of his anger towards his family, he's on a fast track to the grave. Add that to his obsession with death and dying. At this point, the only thing I want from my dad is to know that he can have great relationships with his children and that every facet of life is not about being on the battlefield with loved ones. He already has no impact on my life, but I'd be willing to let him into mine, if he lets me into his. But, I know me. And I can give as good as I get. I'm a smart ass and very opinionated. So, I pray for strength to hold back when I really want to set the record straight. To not flinch at his underhanded insults. He's going to have to realize that if he wants to fight, he will be doing it by himself. Throughout this experiment with my Dad, my plan is to not give him the fight he wants, the fight he expects. With a bit of reverse psychology, I plan to bite my tongue and kill him with kindness. After all, isn't that the best way to die? And if, by chance, this little experiment fails, I will not be reaching out ever again. This is the last call...


I think you can share your space with comes with ease when it is personal...I applaud you for taking this step with your dad...all you can do is try...

Best wishes regarding the situation with your father. I can very much relate to everything you said.

so almost 2 months later, how is he doing? How are you doing? Is there any change? I've been looking for an update but haven't seen anything posted...

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